Saturday, 18 September 2010

Five Things Celebrities Should Stop Saying When In Kolkata.

  1. I love Mishti Doi and Fish and Roshogolla  : There are people who live in Kolkata, love the city and don’t like either. If you have nothing better to say about the city then say you hate it. We are used to that and are armed with great vague replies about ethics and culture to raze you to the ground. However mishti doi and fish leaves us weaponlessly nauseated. Go try some gulab jamun or mukharochak chanachur for a change !
  2. It is such a beautiful blend of tradition and modernity. What you mean is we have the city centers and  new market. That is as far as you know with your whirlwind tours. Thanks! We can do without the deep meaningful analysis.
  3. People here are not bothered about the rat race. It so peaceful here. You are trying to say people here are lazy, fiercely love their afternoon siestas. And trams running through Maidan is your idea of peace and a time warped existence. You really love the peace? Leave your job and stay here. We’ll welcome you with garlands at the airport.
  4. I love a Bengali meal. What you eat at Oh Calcutta ! or Bhajahori Manna is not the average Bengali meal. If all that you are served at those places were to be cooked in the Bengali kitchen then all our mothers would have died and all our maid servants would have resigned without notice. Trust me there are many average Bengalis who live and die without getting a glimpse of that lovely Daab Chingri.
  5. I love Bengali people. Really? And where have you met them? At press conferences? Or are you talking about the staff at your five star hotels? Surely you haven’t travelled in crowded buses or metros? You must have landed from your private jets or Mercedes cars to wave and shake hands with crowds of the cheerful Bengali people ready with digi cams to capture your lovely right and left profile smiles..
You can love us , you can hate us and trust me you CAN ignore us. We can survive without the condescending hypocritical affections. As for me I will never go to Chennai and say I love idli,dosa…because I genuinely don’t !

Tuesday, 14 September 2010

What Kills ..

A stab
Blood gushes out,as expected in a classic Bollywood flick
Sharpened on the stone of a buried past.

The striker strikes
A first-rate wound
The eyes flash, The heart captures
The hurt
of a sudden
Stagger, Fall, yet Breathing

What kills finally
isn't the stab,
 isn't the wound.
But the accompanying friendly gesture,
The benevolent, smiling mask.
Pack up. The reel will capture another act tomorrow.

Thursday, 9 September 2010

Wake up Kid !

Life is not a bed of roses (What is so luxurious about a bed of roses anyway? They would tickle you and a very high chance that some bug hidden beneath the petals would ..well...bug you )...

Okay  leaving that aside, life is NOT a bed of roses...Let me deal  with one problem now. This one has its invincible arms wrapped tightly around my daily routine....waking up late....

I am at a loss... no idea how to solve it.... technology is of no help...because the shrill alarm clock comes with a very convenient  snooze button...parents leave  early so biology doesn't help either.

The hilarious Sunday magazine I read recognized this huge problem and published about some clocks that reactivates and automatically moves, once the alarm button is switched off .So you wake up playing a cat and mouse game trying to stop a ear-drum bursting weird sound... This was a charming proposition until I realized that getting this device would gobble up my entire Puja shopping budget.

But I had only myself to blame. As if I did not  know that my magazine published articles about clothes that no one sane (my perception of sane) can wear, food that no one can pronounce (leave alone find the ingredients and cook) and interiors of houses in which my friend's dog would be scared to live.

Coming back to the problem, my time table looks quite interesting, the first column (having the first periods at a time that's dawn according to my brain) exists only hypothetically for me.Blissful sleep only visits me in the early morning hours throwing my schedule haywire.

When I consciously try to sleep early I  start thinking about how badly I want to sleep and then I keep on thinking how badly I want to sleep  and  I keep on thinking about HOW BADLY I WANT TO SLEEP !!..........and then finally I understand what a certain Mr.Macbeth went through.... .

Of course my habits don't help.... sitting with loads of junk food and watching "one season following another.... " isn't exactly an effective way of inviting sleep, especially when these are of a popular sitcom.

Curling up with a good book results in going to sleep in the morning having finished the good book. A person on TV suggested drinking warm milk.. Well the person obviously did not have 1.parents who woke up at the beeping sound of a microwave and 2.a urinary bladder.....

So I guess I am at the mercy of the Gods.....