Technology and I don’t get along well. There are some of them who are very kind to me- Mr.Fan, his cousin Mr.A.C , Fridge granny, Tubelight aunty and so on. But there are cruel monsters lurking everywhere, so there is that teeth baring claw sharpening touchscreen thing, and that weird your-finger-is-your-mouse lappy..these are the kind of gadgets that scare me to death. Some rather memorable encounters are listed below.
1.B and I are walking down Elgin road, some people are taking bath on the pavements (we are slumdogs after all !). B’s mobile phone lands up in a dirty puddle. My Hygiene-freak brain’s instant reaction .. “eww eww eww here here take my bottle..wash it !! NOW!!” , B is aghast …and shoots back “THIS is my CELL” …then I realize that poor cell won’t survive the water attacks…huh!…okay go on ..enjoy your functioning bacteria soap lather stained phone ..blah !
2. I am having a rather nice evening with few school pals, a lot of madness, chit-chat and of course movies being copied-shopied on dvd’s and pen drives….one of them is particularly enthusiastic and is guarding the pc like ..well…a guard.….I go near the pc and calmly assure her that she can let me browse the song list and I’ll start the copying process for her…she agrees. I sit on the chair in front of the pc, friend launches herself on the bed and dictates her movie choices…I click a few buttons…and PING goes the pc…paranoid friend rushes to the pc…and announces “YOUclicked on a DRIVE”…I give the perfect what-you-speak-is-greek-to-me look…and then she explains…you are trying to copy data occupying 80 GB on a DVD….yaah ..okay…mistake….sorry….but it was just a careless error ! **gasps and laughs all around**
3.Few friends have touchscreen phones which are super-sensitive and something or the other happens whenever you “touch” it…so things go like this – “hey I don’t have that song….give your phone…I’m taking that” …I take the phone and I am in the messages inbox without a clue about how to exit it..I try and woohoo I am staring at some babies…yes images folder…***resigned gasp*** … then “hey I like this pic…who is that?? Can I zoom this one?” friend – “ yaah just drag your fingers” …I give her my w-h-a-t -? Look and then she shows me how one should drag both fingers in opposite directions to zoom in !! Give me a break.
Thanks to all this now I know what I am going to say to the salesman when I go to buy my next cell (that will not be before 2 years if thieves allow)-I’ll say “Show me a non-qwerty…non-touch screen phone”…hate those qwerty phones….They are made for malnourished people who have bone-like fingers, they are certainly not for the well-fed chubby species like me.
In addition to this there are softwares, os’s and what not ..Android..what on earth is that? Before you give me some stupid boring answer…pause and read what I think it has the potential to be … (why should you read that? Well, you read so far..did I ask you to ? so go on now ! )
- Another dreaded disease like Thyroid ?? We could have an Android gland somewhere! The next time someone says “o you are so fat!” I’ll say “ya …could be my android..I’ll have to get it checked”..
- An adjective like schizoid.. …it can mean the exact opposite.. for instance if someone displays two personalities at the same time…think of a man imitating Big B’s baritone voice and in that voice saying kkkkkk…kirrraaaan….he has an android personality…!
Don’t tear out your hair….Yes, yes, I will stop.