Thursday, 31 May 2012


I am supposed to write an introduction. I should ideally have finished writing that by now but I have not started and that is not surprising.

But I have always had trouble with this word. I find introductions scary.For instance, at the beginning of a course when I am asked to "introduce" myself...THAT is an unbelievably awkward moment. My education, which normally is like a vestigial organ suddenly makes its presence felt. I can say.."I graduated in so and so, from so and so .."(blah blah blah). But really is that an introduction? I don't think it is. I think the name should suffice (of course assuming you don't announce it like James Bond). The name is necessary, it would really be impolite to call people making weird sounds, or by whistles .Remember Captain Von Trapp?

 No matter how much you want to, you can't really call someone by screaming - "hey you..yes yes YOU idiot!" etc- it would create too much confusion, you see many people will answer at the same time in that case. So,everything else except the name is so bleh and pointless.

 And what is the point of introducing oneself to strangers? I mean one hardly does reveal any significant detail. You do not expect anyone to tell you- "Hi, I am Felicity. I collect human ears in a bucket" (JEFF from Coupling is a fictional character my dear).The introductions on social networking sites are slightly better because they are seldom real.

But this is hardly what I am supposed to be doing, the one I am supposed to write is that of a text. I hardly read them before reading a text, they reveal a lot. They should follow a text, because the editor, is practically showing off his skills. I wish I could just say- "This is xyz , written by abc....enjoy."

Of course I can't.

I am so royally doomed.


Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Four Tier Wonder

I wished to bake a chocolate cake this weekend. I was searching for good recipes with non-fancy ingredients. Donna Hay was the guest on today's Junior Masterchef episode and she brought this amazing four-tier chocolate cake for the kids to cook and what an amazing job they did!. But attempting that would be rather too ambitious for me... may be I'll start with a basic cake . My last attempt was a cake that I baked with my friend in a microwave...which was yummy. However, I do think that ovens work better because the cake is more moist when baked in an oven.

Check out the Donna Hay cake !

Monday, 28 May 2012


5 Star has trans-fats. IPL is over. (KKR won and I did not watch a single match). Eating raw cumin seeds is fast becoming a habit...addiction. Speaking of addiction, whiteners no longer come in bottles which I can sniff, they come ONLY in useless pens. No bottles, so no diluting solution that I can sniff either. Sad. Cherry Blossom remains. Hi-5!

One fine morning (okay afternoon) , I purchased a bright orange yoga mat with my pocket money. I developed a strong attachment to the hue after I was gifted a pair of orange pants and a matching black top with huge orange flowers (no not orange blossoms, orange coloured blossoms). It was HIDEOUS but at that time I thought it was nice, like I thought my purple and yellow outfit was nice. I posed very confidently in front of the camera as we toured the nation thanks to father's LTC thing. Those pictures make me laugh. Oh...the mat. Yes, I was going to say that it remains untouched and that I am planning to make good use of it. The fate which most of my plans meet is another question altogether.

I have stored Apu Trilogy and Lolita in the same DVD, also Cleopatra and Pretty Woman in another.

There is this particular ceremony which I wish to avoid, (upanayan, poiteh ,or whatever you call it) and I thought about delivering a lecture on how it reinforces the caste system , and how it should actually be really demeaning to attend such a ceremony and that all of us non-brams should show solidarity and remain at home. However, I don't think this will work. I'll just have to go. sigh.

The computer guy has given me this software called Bangla Word where I try and type Bangla words and the results very often are amusing.

Good Night.

Friday, 18 May 2012


It is important to make plans for the future. I have made some.

Contact list- Room open for few newbies. Certain relatives and friends shall vanish...very gradually. Few calls, no calls... Fortunately some just need to vanish from FB friend list in order to vanish completely. Various reasons- some are too annoying, some I don't want to know about, some are too intimidatingly successful etc. 

Food- Financial resources are being planned. Father has been informed that in case he dies before me, I will not serve non-veg dishes (egg is allowed) to anyone visiting me at home. Father replied by saying that he will haunt me as a wandering ghost.

Clothes- Piles of them need to be thrown out unless I get a sewing machine and stitch two of them to make one. New ones need to be purchased. Of course, finances are being worked out.

Books- Will shamelessly continue to spend father's resources. Maintaining that perfect look of "I am saving the world" while reading is essential to convince him of the importance of that book. Casting a "You don't know" glance at mother when she gives a suspicious "another story-book?" look.

Job- Que sera sera ! I am human. If I do all the planning, what will God do? He will become fat and lazy like me. I am keeping him busy on this project.

Marriage- Will ensure that all friends who plan to tie the knot have an extensive and yummy veg buffet. Will eat and make merry. (What if someone pronounced it as "make Mary" ?-nonsense)

Home- Will fill some empty water bottles, once or twice a week, to make my presence felt. Then I shall not be thrown out. Right no?

Yes. That settles it.

PS- In my editing class, we were given a piece written by a student on the translation of Mahasweta Devi's novel Hajar Churasir Maa, in the form of a play - Mother of 1084. It was the most entertaining piece of work that I have read this summer. A line went like this-  "How much Sujata wanted to feel Brati!" ... empathy with an obscene twist? 

On that note. Bye.

Friday, 11 May 2012

Live and let live.

They say literature teaches you a lot about life. It is crap. Literature teaches you to be suspicious. About life, people, emotions and every fucking thing around you. Nothing is what it is. Right now I am interested in the institution of marriage. No, this is not a sarcastic post about marriage. It is simply my way of coming to terms with this thing that is making life a little uncomfortable for me.

I am not against marriage. I am also not against dancing nude in public. My point is the same for both the situations. An honest desire. Love? No. It might be pure lust. But you should know that it is so. Then get married at 20 if you want . SAY that you want to get married. Don't have to say that to your friends but at least know that yourself.

So what the hell is bothering me? I guess it is the general lack of creativity. The excuses are getting mundane by the day. Parents forcing you to get married? WOW! Do you do everything that they ask you to do? No one can be "forced" (except at gunpoint ). So why put the blame on people who love and care for you? Why not own up and say "I want to get married", and that will be the end of it. Come on! It can be such a happy occasion. Why make it sound so pathetic? Why play the tragic heroine ? This irks me.

Second best excuse is - one has to get married. I no longer get perturbed when my elderly relatives say this, because they are from a different era. I do have a problem when I hear my contemporaries say this. Why does one have to? To keep the illusion of the happy Indian family intact? The kind we have seen in Sooraj Barjatiya and Aditya Chopra movies? To avoid being an anomaly in the society? To have a companion for the future? - what if your partner dies in an accident? Do married people die on the same day? Is not everyone alone in some way or the other? Or will your tall and strapping partner protect you from burglars and dacoits? Trust me, many wives have been raped in front of their husbands by hooligans. Sorry it is a rather dismal picture. But it is a fact. No, these are NOT the reasons why one should not get married. But if these are the reasons why one is getting married, then one ought to give it a second, third and fourth thought.

Do not give stupid reasons to yourself and others for doing that. It is not a crime, you don't need to provide excuses for it.  Be it love, companionship, friendship, money, lust. Whatever. Just be honest to yourself .

Oh and I have one request for all those who are or will be happily married- Please understand that you have chosen what you want in life but that might not be what others want. So, stop saying annoying stuff like "we should get married at the right age"... What happens in the "wrong" age? Your ovaries do not produce eggs that travel down your fallopian tubes, right? MAY be. JUST MAY BE , there are some people who are not in love with the idea of producing another human being. Possible, isn't it? All kinds exist. You are a type.You are not representative of every woman who inhabits this earth.

If you think I am sounding extremely frustrated and angry then let me tell you a secret, I am actually scared. I thought as an unmarried 30 something (if that is what I choose as my future) I will be judged by some aunties , relatives and few dinosaur-age friends , but then I am being proved wrong. I will be judged by some very close friends. Not only judged but I will have to bear the annoying condescending remarks. One does not even have to reach the stage of marriage for experiencing this. Every now and then friends who get committed will ask "Have you got a bf?" , "No I have not, my favourite brand is out-of-stock", will be my next reply.

Live and let live.