Friday, 28 January 2011

TLC ... ..Decadence Walk Slowly Into My Soul :D

image courtesy: /

Like a favourite nook in the house, many people have a favourite nook amidst the array of TV channels, this nook is that special channel which you switch on when nothing worthwhile airs on nook is TLC or Travel and Living, as it was formerly called.  I just see hotels where my dad's entire retirement fund would have bought a night's rent, i see people owning islands .....I see women lounging around in Fendi stores. .. and experience luxury vicariously ! 

here is my laugh-love-hate story..

First some shows which make me laugh....unintentionally of course

The Hilarious:

1 Nigella Cooks: there are other cookery shows on this channel but the names vary. This name has a special significance, it lays stress on " Cooks ", to help you remain convinced that she really "cooks" because everything you see on screen is so far removed from that word. She pouts, squeezes, moans and then makes a dish which my 2 year old niece can cook but wouldn't eat. her bathtub will  feature in the show  at least for a minute( once it did as a pseudo-wine-cooler and once she stepped in it to relax with a papaya filled with ice-cream and cherries).

She makes simple things like whipping up cream (with a food processor of course) and squeezing lemons and chopping coriander, seem like rocket science. She takes pride on being sloppy. Guys can get a high watching her...but after a hard day of travelling in the ramshackle buses plying on the streets of Kolkata, Nigella Cooks makes me laugh more than any comedy show !

2. Shimmy  : 3 girls wearing bikini tops with some loose trousers doing belly dancing. Nothing wrong with that, plenty would have enjoyed that. But the problem is that the show's format pretends to teach it's viewers to work out...... I mean many would sweat just by seeing that... why work out? 

3. Floyd's India: this man Keith Floyd  travelled to different parts of India, cooking stuff that is local. What irritated the hell out of me was his patronizing tone ! i mean who asked you to come here? Go to Switzerland and cook.But it was hilarious when I saw him cooking Indian dishes. He was bad...and yet he was apparently "teaching" people to cook Indian food ...he cooked pav bhaji in Mumbai...I would not dream of touching that ! may his soul rest in peace.

4. John And Kate Plus 8: uhhhh a couple with 8 kids ....showing how they are managing their life....extremely sorry but couples with one kid are irritating enough :) was good fun to watch the show... it was like a zoo. 

The Good 

1. Hell's Kitchen: Reason....1. Gordon Ramsay, 2. Gordon Ramsay , 3. Gordon Ramsay...... He is this strapping old man ( need i say drop-dead gorgeous) who mouths expletives at contestants who try desperately to cook.... well i give a damn about the contestants but I love Ramsay, sarcasm just overflows from his lips. :) 

2. Project Runway: I do not blame guys, even I love Heidi Klum, apart from that just a great format , which MTV ripped to create its own lousy version!.... ( what's with the stay raw thing anyway??? i wish i could throw a raw koi mach at them and say "now you moron stay Raw!) 

3. What Not To Wear With Trinny and Susannah: Just love the way they trample all over the disgusting clothes that some people wear !! but on a serious note they really help some poor guys :D

4. Samantha Brown's show: I love this woman, one of the most spontaneous hosts ever and does not bore with useless details about the place she visits....I love her expressions when she visits some of the most decadently luxurious hotels ever !!!

5. Kylie Kwong's show : I love Chinese food....(not the chili chicken-mixed chowmein fare available at the home delivery outlets) ... This woman is the goddess of Chinese food.... to see her chopping veggies is almost therapeutic....i wish i could just grab the head of some people, hand it to her and see it being finely chopped like those shallots :) but she rustles up some great stuff ! i can't cook (AT ALL) still you can trust me on this one!

The Bad: 

1. LA INk: I am sorry I hate tattoos. Whenever i see them i feel like getting a soap.... this show just does not work for me !

2. Some Art and Craft show : see i don't even know the name. I always got a C for art and craft, so watchinga group of people making some gigantic art and craft stuff is just plain humiliating !

3. Some bike /car show: again I do not know the name. They break apart cars and bikes and then create new stuff. not interested-switch-channel-stuff.

Sunday, 23 January 2011

Kutte Kaminey .....Main Tujhe Bahot Pyaar Karungi :D

Some of the Most Memorable Filmy Dogs and Doggy Films !

A warning : This is an indulgent post paying some serious homage to cuteness. If You are not the type- Take a hike darling! 

image courtesy :

Tuffy From Hum Aapke Hain Kaun? : he was the first filmy dog that I fell in love with. The film is a terrible weakness, whenever it airs it just pulls me like a magnet (yes even now!) guess I'll never be too grown-up for it ! Tuffy was cutest little doggie ever, from leading Salman to the Jootis in Joote do paise lo, to being the biased umpire for the cricket match, from sitting snugly in Salman's car during Mausam ka jadoo to the scene where he refuses to eat after Renuka dies...and the masterstroke of giving the necklace to Rajesh in the unapologetically "filmy"....he just stole my heart...... very much like the film did !

PS:  As the creator of Tuffy, Barjatiya should have committed suicide after creating that hideous parrot in that hideous film Main Prem Ki Deewani Hun...... that was a horror movie not family drama

Moti from Teri Meherbaniyan : I will not be surprised if all  of you raise your eyebrows wondering "who the fuck is that? " it's not a much talked about film simply because the hero was an Alsatian dog , the actor Jackie shroff dies, the heroine is raped and murdered...and hold your breath..... the narrative continues with Moti hunting down each of the three villains and killing them !!! I just stumbled upon this movie one day when i was still a school-going girl, and I remained glued to that channel till the movie came to an end. Will not watch it again but loved the herculean effort portrayed !!!

image courtesy :

Beethoven : A giant huggable drooooooly baby ! No one can miss him..... what can one say??? He charms you with the most obnoxious tricks..... he does not exist in the world, the world exists around him....disdain is his middle name and mischief his first.......just ADORABLE! he just huffs pufffs and droools his way into our hearts !

Marley from Marley and Me :  Rachael Jennifer Anniston in a movie centred around a golden retriever.....Life can be perfect at times ! the sheer havoc this dog creates can challenge the wits of the most patient person..... The best scene I guess would be the obedience class uncontrollable sweetheart this one was...needless to say if you love dogs the last scenes will be quite a tear jerker!
Lassie filming on location in Floridaphoto courtesy State Archive of Florida
image courtesy:

Lassie In Lassie Come Home :  There are mischievous ones ....there are lazy ones...then there are ones to whom you can just say "Take A Bow!".... Lassie one of them...always found her to be this kind grandmotherly darling type ...a classic !

102 Dalmatians : One dalmatian is enough to make you go down on your knees to pet them till eternity ...with more than a 100...who can complain?.....but a confession...I really admire that Cruella lady......her wardrobe is hilarious .... and her hairstyle reminds me of Indira Gandhi....sorry Mrs. Gandhi ! I especially love the mummy daddy dalmatian couple !

and A Special Meintion :  Comet From one of my all time favourite serial.."Full House"...he was a golden retriever ...and one whole episode was dedicated to how he runs all around the city with his lady love !!! 
Stephanie & Michelle Tanner playing 
                                            with Comet
image courtesy:

Comet , Mitchelle and Stephanie..... 

Have left out Animated movies ......coz the list would have been waay longer ! 

But will do a post on my favourite animal movies very soon..... :)

Cheers !

Wednesday, 19 January 2011

Bi-Lingual Invocation To Shujji Mama: Not For Purists.

Shujji Mama
Plz stop the drama
Why don't u wake up early??

Without roddurer shongo
there is no nidra-bhongo
Why don't you wake up early?

Every morning- one look at the ghori
Then the situation is pretty "mori! mori!"
Why don't you wake up early?

Mamu, I read , its a chariot  you drive
but its on a rickety 71 that I thrive
so why don;t you wake up early?

All the early morning jaatris
Are they not your sneher paatris?
So why the hell don't you wake up early?

Kindly from agami kaal
Have pity on my attendance er haal
And for God's sake wake up early .

Tuesday, 18 January 2011


It's impossible really to know
The mystery of Tic-tac-toe

A whole lot of empty boxes
With the hint of an un-played game
The  zeros and crosses rule the day
Ain't That  such a shame?

What if no one had  to win?
And no winning line were to cross,
 cut through the figures,
Making the entire picture  so gross?

What if we could draw
Some silly stuff there?
a frog- a candle- a clock
just anything............... anywhere

But then the tic tac toe-
wouldn't quite be itself you know-
The zeros and the crosses are very much here to stay
Without them I guess, 
we'll be quite unsure of our way.

Monday, 17 January 2011

What's So Fair Between Love And War?

Just Saw the film "Atonement" this afternoon. Thoroughly loved it. What I am wondering right now is what is it about a war that makes it a perfect background for love. "Live your life like it's your last day on earth", is that it? The urgency? , the impending separation?, the continuing separation?, the possible end of separation ? I do not know, perhaps one or all of those. As much as I love romantic comedies, candy floss movies, I have noticed that  many of the ones which Touch you somewhere deep down are often related to a war- Troy ( Hector, Achilles, Briseis, I am hooked whenever it's on air), Casablanca , The Reader, Atonement, add to the list. I am sure you can.

When Robbie in "Atonement" is sent to war, and the story shifts it's focus from a drama-love story to one that depicts the perils of the soldiers awaiting evacuation, then the scenes at the hospital featuring the wounded soldiers, made me wonder, was the War a gimmick? Why use the war ? It could have been a touching love story without the War? but then could it? perhaps not. The complete senselessness of it, the absurdity of the lives lost, the sub-human conditions that humanity tolerates, conditions that sends a shiver down our spines when we imagine it. It has a thrill, a sadistic thrill.

About to go off topic now ....

The number of films made about the Second World War perhaps is the greatest. There is a thrill about the holocaust. Humanity is outraged, humanity is violated , we watch the films on that pretext but isn't there an element, a tiny element of thrill? A perverse thrill involved when we even think of a gas chamber? don't we wonder "how was it moments before you know you are going to be gassed or incinerated alive?" , " could I have tolerated such living conditions?" Don't know about others but I surely find myself thinking on these lines.. The improbability of those circumstances now, the remoteness of it from the world where I'm watching a "Schindler's List" on TV , snug in my bedroom-protects me and enables me to think about the events.... to analyze... In that thinking isn't there something perverse?  I think perhaps there is.

Loved ALL  the films though : Schindler's List, The Pianist and last but not the least "The Reader" (The scene where Ralph walks through the empty concentration camp through rows and rows of shoes makes one shiver more than many thrilling scenes and high blown rhetoric)

Sunday, 16 January 2011

Not Worth It.

Caution: It's my list. It's my list. It's my list.

You Don't Agree- Great! The Door Is That Way.

Books that are, as the title says, NOT worth it. (according to me)

1. Alchemist : So much hype , that when i got hold of the book I thought I had found the Kohinoor. It was gripping in the beginning. All along an anticipation of something great that was going to happen and then in the end the guy stands on a hill and talks to the elements. Well, I am not that elemental. 

By the end of it, I could have jumped into a lighted fire. The whole experience was like being told that I was going to meet SRK and then I am gifted a portrait of Tapas Paul. Sorry, the book didn't change my life. Not one bit. It did not lead to self discovery. You think, look in the mirror if you want to discover more about yourself, you do not. DO NOT  read about sheep, deserts,and  a mysterious man on a horse.

2. The Da Vinci Code: Sidney Sheldon getting a copy of some really controversial arguments, a handbook of secret societies could have created a Langdon. Hating the book and then being forced to watch a favourite actor play a character of the book was doubly painful. Next time Lang-please-don't.

3. Coolie: Read it as a part of my syllabus in my undergraduate years. It was solely responsible for my apathy for that particular paper for the entire year. Mr. Anand clearly had no "anand" in his life. He forgot this was not literary social commentary but literature. Pathetic.You feel bad at times for the character during some poignant episodes. Rest of the time I felt bad for the author.

4. Chandrashekhar: I was never a Bankim Chandra fan but still I read Kopalkundola and Debi Choudhuraani with interest. While Kopalkundola was thrilling, somehow I found the author totally superficial in every sense. No one can take away from him his very deserved accolades for being the writer who gave the bengali novel a new direction , but somehow I feel in terms of views, perspective, he lacked that vision which marks a great artist.  

A mastery over language: yes - oh yes ! A superlative hold on tight-knit structure: yes. BUT content: sadly I was far from impressed. Chandrashekhar was the final nail in the coffin, it was regressive and totally sensational. The Shakespeare quotes , which he used in his novels display the most superficial sense of Shakespeare's lines.

If you say , you did not like Bankim Chandra, the first conclusion drawn is that you did not understand the language. So it was very heartening to find that Sunil Gangopadhyay , an author whose works I love ( the little that I have read) had written an essay on Bankim Chandra saying how he rediscovered their flaws much later in life. I was encouraged. Hence this entry !

5. Sherlock Holmes: I like idle , intelligent beings. Poirot fits the bill. Holmes ran around, fought,did what not while Poirot only thought. That's sexy, That's style, That's class.



Friday, 14 January 2011

What They Actually Mean....

I am honestly praying that my teachers stay miles away from this post !

also note: this is only with reference to Literature teachers. S stands for "said" and M for "meant"

S: " This author has produced some revolutionary, extraordinary works........."

M: " Vague words are the best that I can offer now..."

S: " What is your opinion about the text? Tell me what you all think?"

M: I woke up late, I am unprepared.I need you to to give me the cue.

S: "Internet is not a good source of information"

M: Internet is my only source of information. I don't want you to find out.

S: " Don't write what I am saying. It's all there in book X"

M:  As it is you can see I am dictating, why embarrass the shit out of me.

S: " Every teacher must take the register"

M: If  I did not, at least my class would have been empty.

Cheers !

Thursday, 13 January 2011

Feeling Cruel ...Let's Murder Some Lines ....:D

Sing them aloud for the best effect..yes I have tried it. 

Note: This post is not for those, who enjoy being morose.

"Down the bay, Where the nights are gay, And the sun shines daily on the mountain tops"

The donkeys bray, men lose their way, And loudly sing bhajans in liquor shops.

"I am sixteen , going on seventeen, innocent as a rose"

Cocktails and candies, drinkers of brandies, I have had a taste of those.

"Shara jobon dilo aalo shurjo groho chaand"

Nibhiye dilem alo ebar how how kore kaand

"ei poth jodi na shesh hoy, tobe kyamon hoto tumi bolo toh"

tyre puncture hole besh hoy, heshe boltam ami "ebar holo toh?" 

"It's only words, and words are all I have to take your heart away"

It's the  o-n-l-yyy truth, I am a sad impotent brute, and I can only bray. 

"Tujhe dekha toh ye jana sanamm pyar hota hain deewana sanaam, ab yahan se kahan jaye hum? teri baahon mein mar jaye hummmm"

Chashma zaara dena sanam, dikhai zara deta hain kum, ...........haaan ab thik se dekh sakte hain hum,  yeh kya ! aaapko  pehchaane nahi hummmmm.

"Yeh dosti Hum nahi todenge, todenge e e dum magar, tera saath na chodhenge"

Yeh dosti, hum  nahiii todengee, Tu itna kaamaata hain.. pagal hain kya , jo tujhe chodhenge???  

"hridoy amar nache re aaajike moyurero moto naache re..."

Ki hoy je taar, ke jane re, majhe majhe sheyaaal er moto daake re....

These are all my favourite songs..I love them with all my take a chill pill if you suddenly feel like murdering me : )

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

Take It Easy.

A pin-prick and you cry
No matter how hard you try.
You want to hold them back
But once again you crack
It Ain't That Easy.

You want to say a no.
Find a faraway place to go.
The very moment you want to impress
You sadly make a royal mess.
It Ain't That Easy.

You want admiration from all.
You end up inviting some putrefied gall.
You want your actions to speak.
Yet when the spotlight is on,it's the corner you seek.
It Ain't That Easy.

You wish a moment to linger.
Then sweetly God shows you the middle finger.
You dream about some specific goal with conviction.
Then watch it turn into something as strange as science fiction.
It Ain't That Easy.

It Ain't That Easy to live.
It Ain't That Easy to give.

But  there comes one such time.
When life becomes a nursery Rhyme.
It's a fancy merry-go-round.
You join in making no sound.

It becomes easy to play.
It becomes easy to stay.
It becomes easy to jive.
It becomes easy-just to survive.

Sunday, 9 January 2011


While the world (read parents) is out on a picnic , I am left blissfully alone enjoying a lovely warm Sunday.  There is something about being alone on a Sunday that is absolutely heavenly ...... okay here are the 3 top reasons !

1.No one to ask me a thousand times what I would like to eat while I'm trying to concentrate on a book/newspaper/silly TV show. (what's a Sunday without one silly article in the newspaper? sample Shobhaa De draws a parallel between an out-of-order lift and the condition of India-----nice "original" comparison but a whole article on that ! Just one humble question-- is she paid for writing that stuff ?  )

2.No one to yell the time at me with an implicit intention of inducing guilt pangs. Seriously the devices are great at times , I mean you don't technically ask a person to wake up but when you can SEE the person enjoying a nap you just yell "it's 12 o'clock" .......eloquence of the unspoken words did you say ! 

3.No one to remind me that every spot of my room needs cleaning, while I am thinking about the politics in  bengal- my non-existent career- Koffee with Karan- punching Biman Bose right across the face- holding Mamata Bannerjee hostage in a jam stuck street for 5 hours without water and food and mike (if I give the last she might not miss the previous two)..... and other grave matters.

I begun this new year with a great new change.  We switched to TOI from The Telegraph.  I was very glad about bidding adieu to t2... for various reasons... firstly it has become the paid advertisement forum of Sabyasachi Mukherjee and Rituparna ..

At least once every month I have to see a 6 page detailed analysis of clothes which some villagers wear in deserts and which are oh-so-unwearable and resembles my carpet , or I have to see at least a dozen pictures of some bleak, dark, room which has trunks, haariken and broken bulbs and then I will learn it's a "store", which sells designer outfits. (shoot me !) 

On some other days I have too see the holiday pics of some Bengali actresses in Thailand , and I wonder seeing their beach wardrobes if its Thailand or "Thigh-land". If not this, Miss.Rituparna will scare the hell out of me with her untamed mane of hair and blood red lips,  her style statement is unique .... purple dress-red lips, black dress-red lips, red dress-red lips, yellow dress-red lips and so on. 

Then at least once a week t2 journalists have a round table conference to decide which issue of the playboy magazine they will ape now. Finally their editor gives a nod and there is a whole feast of limbs, arms, and what-not on display. Clothes are so fragmented and body parts are so diversely displayed, its very postmodern. 

The cherry on the cake: recently they got crazy about Polo , not the mint with the hole, but the game played on horses. (spare me the horror !)  and then HOLD YOUR BREATH... they want first class graduates as journalists for t2. Sure ... those innocent young beings spent 3 years of their lives reading about Chaucer, Browning, Osborne etc so that they can write a 200 word article about Shilpa Shetty's cleavage.

Ok so now if you have an iota of intelligence , you must have noted with how much diligence I have read every issue, even though I have been blasting missiles at it. Well t2 was the fodder of many soulful conversations with my friends. The hours just whizzed by as we discussed it...  

And I did have the option of just not reading it... well I admit at times reading t2 is de-stressing and seems far more "real" than the world of CWG, Maoists and 2G...sadly the latter world seems a part of a fiction that we are forced to live through..any serious thoughts end in despair so why not t2?  

t2 and CT are to us  what "Disneyland" meant to Baudrillard.... a joyride that makes us think what we live through is real , important and significant....concealing the fact that what we endure everyday is not as vulgar, not as pointless, as t2...........

Now that I have TOI basking in the sunshine on my terrace every morning and not Telegraph, I realize the fragmented  visions of limbs are still very much a part of my life thanks to CT. ( LOUD SOBS)
at least it has a lesser number of pages. 

Ta Ta...Lunch beckons !

Friday, 7 January 2011

OF H A P P Y STUFF............

 I swear by these delights..... Don't think one can go wrong with these..I don't need fancy ones (read ferraro ) I am happy with ordinary desi stuff !  Two of my buddies revealed that they don't like was like that moment from F.R.I.E.N.D.S when Ross revealed that he did not like ice-cream !

This is really the first time so many wonderful adjectives have been used about me....I am downright flattered so excuse me for flaunting it ! :D