Friday, 11 May 2012

Live and let live.

They say literature teaches you a lot about life. It is crap. Literature teaches you to be suspicious. About life, people, emotions and every fucking thing around you. Nothing is what it is. Right now I am interested in the institution of marriage. No, this is not a sarcastic post about marriage. It is simply my way of coming to terms with this thing that is making life a little uncomfortable for me.

I am not against marriage. I am also not against dancing nude in public. My point is the same for both the situations. An honest desire. Love? No. It might be pure lust. But you should know that it is so. Then get married at 20 if you want . SAY that you want to get married. Don't have to say that to your friends but at least know that yourself.

So what the hell is bothering me? I guess it is the general lack of creativity. The excuses are getting mundane by the day. Parents forcing you to get married? WOW! Do you do everything that they ask you to do? No one can be "forced" (except at gunpoint ). So why put the blame on people who love and care for you? Why not own up and say "I want to get married", and that will be the end of it. Come on! It can be such a happy occasion. Why make it sound so pathetic? Why play the tragic heroine ? This irks me.

Second best excuse is - one has to get married. I no longer get perturbed when my elderly relatives say this, because they are from a different era. I do have a problem when I hear my contemporaries say this. Why does one have to? To keep the illusion of the happy Indian family intact? The kind we have seen in Sooraj Barjatiya and Aditya Chopra movies? To avoid being an anomaly in the society? To have a companion for the future? - what if your partner dies in an accident? Do married people die on the same day? Is not everyone alone in some way or the other? Or will your tall and strapping partner protect you from burglars and dacoits? Trust me, many wives have been raped in front of their husbands by hooligans. Sorry it is a rather dismal picture. But it is a fact. No, these are NOT the reasons why one should not get married. But if these are the reasons why one is getting married, then one ought to give it a second, third and fourth thought.

Do not give stupid reasons to yourself and others for doing that. It is not a crime, you don't need to provide excuses for it.  Be it love, companionship, friendship, money, lust. Whatever. Just be honest to yourself .

Oh and I have one request for all those who are or will be happily married- Please understand that you have chosen what you want in life but that might not be what others want. So, stop saying annoying stuff like "we should get married at the right age"... What happens in the "wrong" age? Your ovaries do not produce eggs that travel down your fallopian tubes, right? MAY be. JUST MAY BE , there are some people who are not in love with the idea of producing another human being. Possible, isn't it? All kinds exist. You are a type.You are not representative of every woman who inhabits this earth.

If you think I am sounding extremely frustrated and angry then let me tell you a secret, I am actually scared. I thought as an unmarried 30 something (if that is what I choose as my future) I will be judged by some aunties , relatives and few dinosaur-age friends , but then I am being proved wrong. I will be judged by some very close friends. Not only judged but I will have to bear the annoying condescending remarks. One does not even have to reach the stage of marriage for experiencing this. Every now and then friends who get committed will ask "Have you got a bf?" , "No I have not, my favourite brand is out-of-stock", will be my next reply.

Live and let live.


"effervescencia" said...

In the last couple of years, I have made a couple of very close friends, who are foreigners. I loved the one fact about them , no judging anyone by their own standards/choices. I think our society could do with a bit of that.
Don't let anyone make you feel like an anomaly. And there are some choices whose weight you will always have to bear alone. You will make a wonderful 30-something unmarried girl just as you a 30-something married one. Remember that.
And much better to not have a kid than have one and be a terrible parent.

moo-moo said...

:) Thanks... I don't know how "wonderful" I'll be...but even if I am awful , that better be because I "want" to be awful.