Please lemme crib this one time!

Its 3.45 . When Ma asks me every morning what keeps me awake at night, I can't answer. Well I would , but there isn't anything in particular really. I talk, chat, read, watch TV, eat and on some extremely rare occasion I study.

I envy those mortals who just get into bed and switch off their minds. It's not so simple here. I can lie there doing nothing, thinking nothing (okay not nothing may be random jah-tah stuff) for hours. I imagine hypothetical situations with people I know... for instance how would things be if that person died, or what would happen if I get to visit that place...and I can do this for hours.

Also being extremely critical of the self does not help matters.

I spent so many hours wondering what exactly is this freelance "content writing" shit that I have been doing for years. It is nothing but prostituting one's mind. I just "do" it for the money... not a lot of money too. Many friends earn money by teaching kids. I can't do that, I am not patient enough. I can do this shit because it is easy. This really makes me a hypocrite because no one forced me to do it. I willingly write those goddamned shitty stuff about coupons, cat allergy, mascaras, and other stupid stuff. I need the money. I have created this "need" myself by making myself believe that I should earn my own pocket money. Still...it drains me. Half an hour of this shit just fucks my brain. I have great respect for people who it full time simply because I know I never could. Not even for a day.

Thinking about the business only makes my blood boil. Basically these American companies (some from other nations as well) buy articles to drive up the traffic to their sites. So lists of google searches are drawn up and articles are produced on those keywords. By produced I mean hacked up from already existing ones. The tone varies according to the content, there is the expert tone and the i'm-so-cool-yo-man! tone and so on. So these firang companies pay the desi ones around 4-5 dollars per article (say 500 words) and poor exploited mind-fucked writers (re-writers actually) get a fraction of that (of course some get paid more). This is the basic premise and this mind-fuckery continues in different forms. And I am a part of this because its an easy way to earn a few bucks. Such a hypocrite that makes me.Go there, do it, and earn. No time for thoughts, or grammar , or spelling.

I stopped for a while when I had a job and now I am back to this shit. Lovely. My mind is saying - "stop cribbing mad woman!"

Okay I will stop. I have a fantastic day to look forward to. It's Holi. Cartoons will roam on the streets and I will be pestered to do another annoying "paye-abir-dao" ritual. I will pay my respect by applying some pink-red powder on their feet while they'll ruin my depleting reserve of hair by smearing the same powder on my crowning glory and pimple infected cheeks. oooooh can't wait. Bring it on. I ate four sweets. FOUR. They were really sweet and I didn't like eating them yet I did. I can be so amazingly incorrigible.

Also people are getting married left, right and centre, which wouldn't have bothered me if my mother did not emotionally blackmail me with arguments like "I'll not live to see your marriage" ...what a fantastic reason! Also another thing they say is " we are getting old", so? every one does. I am also getting old. Eta toh Ha ja ba ra la 'r desh noy je boyosh kombe. In fact I think if parents getting old is a reason , then it is a reason for not marrying, and not for marrying. You'll marry and go away right? who'll take care of them? of course logic does not work with parents. They have given up. Baba hopes that when I see my pals getting married I'll want that too. I doubt that.

I am also losing patience with all kinds of pseudo people around. They have got airs but are so goddamned shallow.They think they know a lot but don't know that they don't know. Which is really worse than not knowing. (I am sounding like a snob ... but I am really sick and tired of THESE snobs...posting pseudo-intellectual pretentious shit on FB). I have stopped giving patta to many but some just keep coming back on that wall!

I have more respect for someone who reads only chick-lit all her life and says so without any qualms, than someone who reads something just because it suits the aantel image and then of course new fodder for an insipid status update.You can give me the don't-like-it-don't-read-it argument and you can also scream "get a life!" at me...but this my blog..I am allowed to write the shit that I want.

BUT I have realized that cribbing is real fun and I am getting addicted to it. It is bad. One day a bee entered my room and I stopped opening that particular window. It does not happen everyday. I need to open the window once in a while and look out. It is not all that bad. Nothing can be all that bad.

Cheers!