Friday, 11 February 2011

Why One Can Die On Monday...

I Will Die On Monday Because Thanks To My Newspaper and My TV I will BY then Realize The full Extent of Futility That my Life Has achieved . Reasons?   Read..(I'm Sure you can).


1.Don't  Have a Valentine. You might be single and NOT ready to mingle the rest of the year but on this particular day you just have to have a "valentine", in case you do not ,the leading dailies have conspired to tell you how you can get one, "news" did you ask? oh that's there too...squeezed snugly between VLCC and Keya Seth Ads.


2. Will Not Go For The Promising Offers. I rubbed my eyes in disbelief when i read "5 Kilos Free With Every 5 Kilos: Special Valentine's Day Offer". I thought the government has come up with some unique onion distribution scheme. Then realized it is an ad about weight loss. Uhhhmmm excuse me ...I really want to lose weight but have no great desire to be steamed roasted , beaten, and starved to death. Really sorry. Next Page.


 I mean that woman Keya Seth ....Horrifying ads everywhere..come on man! at least Vandana Luthra looks good....Keya has graduated from gaudy saris to sleeveless salwars and now has moved on to tacky tops....I get scared just by looking at her...Do people really buy stuff that she makes ?? (God hasn't been so kind with my face that I will give Keya a chance to mess with it !)


3. Will Die Without A heart Shaped Locket: another headline .... "You Love your girlfriend, your girlfriend loves jewelry " ........ obviously jewelry on Valentine's Day cannot be anything except a heart shaped locket, which the lady in the ad is wearing.


 If a girl was lucky enough to get married on 14th Feb, I shudder to think what she would be wearing...a heart shaped necklace, a heart shaped bracelet,a heart shaped earring and so on....another thing that really puzzles me.... Why is the heart shape called the "heart" shape?? The thing that I had to draw , the thing that had  auricles and ventricles did not resemble this shape...or did it ??


4.I will Not Buy that Tacky Lakme Lipstick: Naming shades after deities do not make a product less tacky. A show on TV featured this new and of course especial Valentine's Day collection of lipsticks in yucky red colours. One of the names of those shades is "Aphrodite" and others are similarly grand. Excuse me?? Did you really think anyone would overlook that heart on the lipstick cover , which has "LOVE" written all over it?? Names of goddesses cannot save a cheap product with tacky packaging.


5. I will never know what the fuck really happened: They say some old man who was a saint died. Uhhh so? May be some far greater thing happened but till the buzz dies down I will not wiki-it.


Yaah that is it for now...Only good thing is that the english movie channels air some good old rom-com's on this day so one thing to be glad about ! My earliest memory of this day is the scene in DTPH where madhuri buys stuff for herself  because there is no one to get all that for her.....that's cool...But I just finished shopping a month ago...so ...well shed copious tears as I leave this earth.



4 comments:

DISGRUNTLED GENIUS said...

haha... nice post Chatter. This is one of those rare mondays wen m glad m @ office rather thn being carpet-bombed by stupid cupid-ity !

chatterbox unplugged said...

@ DG....yaaah i made some nice trips to the bank, ate dhoklas at home... me glad too :)

sunil said...

Take note Jug, another promising satire writer in making

chatterbox unplugged said...

@ Sunil ..... :) .... !!